Nocturnal confessions
by mcabby80
Summary: Midnight encounter between Thomas and Alfred. Difficult to imagine? ...not in my mind! One-shot!


**A/N: As some of you may know, I'm insanely obsessed with Thomas and Jimmy, but I do have a soft spot for Alfred/Matt Milne. So my mind came up with this, just a short little scene, but I hope you enjoy it anyway! :0)**

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Thomas stepped out into the balmy summer air, inhaling deeply. After a long day's work, he finally got outside to have his evening smoke. Barrow rolled up his sleeves and opened the first few buttons of his shirt. _Ah, so much better._

Wiping the little droplets of sweat off his face, he started walking, gazing at the sky. He loved his walks in the evening, _on his own_ - though he didn't really have much spare time after work. _Lovely night!_ he thought, then hearing someone murmur. _What the hell?! _Everybody was supposed to be inside already, as he had closed all the doors for Mrs. Hughes before. She didn't feel too well today, so Thomas'd explicitly _offered_ his help. - He wouldn't have done that for anybody else, of course, but Mrs. Hughes was an exception.-

Barrow tried to figure out where the voice came from - he suddenly saw someone sitting under a tree, a tall person, gesturing with his arms. As the light was dim, he couldn't see clearly who it was... _Better to be safe, than sorry... _Thomas said to himself, taking a large limb of a tree from the ground and approaching the frame.

"Who is it?" Thomas asked warily, slightly waving the stick through the air.

"Mr. Barrowww?!"

"Alfred?!" lowering the limb, he came closer to see if it really was the second footman. It was. Thomas sighed in relief and threw the stick away. "What are you doing out here? You should ..." he broke off, as two bottles caught his eye. "Have you been drinking, Alfred? Are those empty?" he frowned, pointing at the bottles. _Blimey! I don't want to bother with this drunken ginger, it's my spare time, for God's sake!_

"No, you can still have some...on one condition though!" Alfred grinned stupidly.

"What?!" Thomas was confused, he didn't want a drink, he wanted this tipsy monkey to melt into thin air!

"Don't threaten me with _your stick_ again! I mean, that stick...over there!" Alfred giggled.

"Right, I won't, don't worry Alfred." Barrow answered with exaggerated kindness. _Slow movements! _he reminded himself – with lunatics and drunk, you just never know! "Can I sit down, Alfred, would that be ok for you?" Thomas spoke slowly, eyeing Alfred carefully.

"Mr. Barrow, I haven't been drinking that much...just a bit of this." he waved the bottle through the air, spilling some of the red wine. "I needed it for helping with the gravy and this is what's left. Not much, so I took another one." He held a second bottle in his other hand. "But this one is full...so, we can share, if you like?! Don't want to be on my lonesome." He gave Barrow a questioning look.

_Actually I'd rather talk with Carson about my sexlife than sitting here with you, you ginger dunce...but ... a few minutes of smoking - never mind. _"So you stole the wine, did you?" he chuckled, sitting down next to Alfred and lighting a cigarette. _Can't accuse him for that, regarding former times..._

"No, I borrowed it! Still, I don't know how to give it back, but..." the footman shrugged, then took a pull on the bottle. A brooding expression on his face, cheeks a bit flushed - he finally remarked: "Mr. Barrow, I think, after all, I've figured out what my problem is..."

_Oh please! I could have told you before, what your problem is, you stupid..._

"I'm Lady Edith!"

"You're a what? WHAT?!" Thomas's eyes widened in wonder. _My god, it's worse than I thought. What else did he take? Do I have to call Dr. Clarkson?_

"I'm Lady Edith...just from downstairs!"

"I'm afraid, Alfred, I don't understand..." Thomas tried not to look too worried. Alfred sighed.

"Look, I mean, everybody knows I exist, but no one really_ sees_ me. I'm not as handsome or talented as Jimmy, I'm not special in any way, I'm not even somehow different as you are and ...oh sorry, I didn't mean to...I'm sorry!" he said, as he watched Thomas contorting his face. "It's ok, go on then."

"You understand? I'm just here and that's it. Like Lady Edith. Lady Mary is the pretty one, always fancied by every man that comes around, Lady Sibyl was revolutionary and...kind of fresh air, and also quite beautiful. Lady Edith is just...the other one of the three sisters. So therefore, I'm Lady Edith." Thomas was dumbstruck. Dumbstruck, because actually, the footman might be right. There was _nothing _special or out of the ordinary about Alfred. He wasn't good-looking, couldn't play the piano, for sure he was a terrible dancer...the list continues.

"You're good at cooking!" Thomas responded lamely.

"Oh please!" Alfred took a gulp. "I have to face it, I'm a bore!" _You're right!_

"No Alfred, you're not. Don't be so strict with yourself. You're still young, there are many things to come..." _Now that was kind, wasn't it? Being nice to Alfred: tick!_

"No, I mean it, I'm a bore and nobody really likes me!"

"I'm different" _and not many people like me either "_– I'd rather be a bore!"

"I don't think you would!"

"It's the truth!" _Well, maybe not really …_

"I'm GINGER!"

"I think it could be worse."

"How?"

"You could be an untalented, sullen, ginger _hallboy!"_ Thomas sneered. "But you're a footman-that's something, isn't it?"

"Nah. The girls don't fancy me. You're handsome!" _Thank you Alfred! "_You could get lots of women."

"But I don't want them, remember?"

"Then you could get the men..."

".. and go to prison!"

"Alright Mr. Barrow, you win!" and with a smirk, he handed the wine bottle over to the under-butler.

"Life sucks Alfred! Thanks for reminding me. Cheers!" Thomas emptied the bottle and leaned back against the tree. The mix of this conversation, warm summer air and the taste of red wine were fogging his mind somehow... For a moment, they sat in silence. Barrow took a drag and closed his eyes, when Alfred suddenly coughed.

"Mr. Barrow. You're quite a nice man, really. I mean...did I ever tell you I'm sorry about the things that happened...in the past?" he shuffled his feet, looking to the ground.

_Oh, you mean about calling the police to throw me into prison for giving Jimmy a peck on the lips?_

"Alfred, it's been nearly 2 years now, let's not bring this up again." Shaking his head slightly, Thomas gave him an "it's alright" smile.

"No, Mr. Barrow, I mean it. And I want you to know, that..I don't think about you like that anymore. It's been 2 years, as you said and I've grown. I do unterstand that...the way you are - it's not your fault. I just wanted you to know. Don't be cross with me anymore, Mr. Barrow. Are you?"

"No, Alfred. It's ok. Don't worry." Thomas gave him a soft smile.

"So. I wanted to ask you something Mr. Barrow. May I?"

"You may. Though I can't promise you that I'll answer." Waiting for Alfred to raise his question, Thomas gave him a closer look. _He's really grown, hasn't he. Not that grumpy and clumsy anymore like he used to be. _Thomas shifted his head a bit. _His eyes are green - quite nice. Never actually noticed them before. I guess he's got nice lips as well... I wonder...no, I don't! _Thomas's cheeks flushed a little when their eyes met for a moment – as if he was caught doing something forbidden. _I did not. Was just thinking...nothing wrong with it!_

"Are you still ..I mean, in love with Jimmy?"

Barrow looked at him, speechless, then exhaling noisily. "What do you think? I wish I wasn't … give me the wine, I can't go on without it!" he muttered, opening the other bottle and drinking. Alfred ran a hand through his hair, his face slightly tensed.

"And what are you doing about it?"

Raising his eyebrow, Thomas wondered what Alfred was on about. "Well.." he answered in mock sincerity "I write him loveletters every day, begging him to run away with me so we can live together and adopt children... what the hell should I do Alfred, there's nothing you can do, you can't make someone love you!"

"I know, I'm sorry Mr. Barrow. I just wondered... if you're seeing someone else or something like that,.." Alfred avoided eye-contact. Barrow chuckled awkwardly.

"Well, every now and then. Men do have needs, don't we Alfred?" Thomas tried to smile, but failed – he was ashamed, he couldn't deny it.

"I don't judge you, I was just curious, is all! I do know what you're talking about. Ivy just won't look at me, so..." he shrugged. "I haven't really got a love life myself."

"Ah, I'm sorry, you're a good lad Alfred, your time will come!" Thomas patted him on the shoulder.

"Our time, Mr. Barrow. And til that happens, we're unloved, but we still have wine." He leaned over to Barrow and drank from the bottle he was still holding in his hand - their fingers touched and Alfred drew back immediately.

_Crikey, I thought we're past that!_

"Alfred, please, I won't pounce on you, believe me!" Thomas's face was annoyed.

"I know that, I do. You weren't coming to _my_ room, were you?"

"Ahm, no." _What..?!_

"Right." Alfred nodded to himself.

Barrow shifted uncomfortably. He let the wine run down his throat, thinking of something to change the atmosphere. "Maybe you should be an item with Lady Edith, Alfred." Thomas snickered.

"No, we would have even more boring children!"

"You two would make a nice couple though!" he grinned.

"Nice? Well, I don't know. Could be worse...I could be with Mrs. Patmore !" Alfred chuckled.

"Oh god! What could be worse than that?" scratching his neck, Barrow looked over to the footman.

"Hmm. Mr. Carson and Daisy?!" answered Alfred, casually reaching over for the bottle to drink and again touching Barrows hand, this time giving it a light squeeze when returning it. Thomas' grip around the bottle tightened in astonishment – did Alfred just..? _No, it's just the wine. Wine is good. _So he took another swig.

"Carson and Daisy...oh dear, I think she'd have to be on top all the time ...otherwise he would definitely be crushing her when doing it.." Alfred and Thomas looked at each other, faces contorted in disgust, then burst out laughing, holding their stomachs and rolling in the grass - every time their eyes met, it made them laugh even more. It'd been a long time since Thomas had felt so carefree and lightheaded. Could only be the wine of course. _Of course, what else would it be?!_

Lying quite close next to each other, Thomas finally turned to the side and observed Alfred carefully. His eyes were closed and a satisfied expression washed over his face. Thomas swallowed.

"Alfred?"

"Hm?" His eyes were still shut.

"Your eyelashes are ginger too..."

The footman snorted. "Thanks for telling me Mr. Barrow, I haven't found out myself yet, but thank god you noticed! I'm feeling so much better now!"

"I didn't mean to mock you. Just thought it looks interesting, that's all...so, think of another weird couple, hey?!"

"You and me." he responded calmly. Thomas recoiled in astonishment. There was a slight pause before he demanded: „Is that supposed to be funny?"

"Well, you tell me."

"Me?" swallowing thickly, Thomas suddenly felt the atmosphere changing – his heart pounding a bit faster. _Where does that damned tension come from? I mean, good god, it's just Alfred._

"You. I just wonder - if I were like you, would you ever come to my room - even if it was just for...you know.." Alfred gestured with his hands, slowly looking Thomas over. "But I guess I'm not your type. Probably I'm not anybody's type at all.." Alfred's face cracked for a moment and Thomas felt an odd twist in his stomach – as if he could feel the footman's sadness and self doubts himself.

"Alfred, what are you talking about? I'm afraid, you had a bit too much of this bottle" he answered gently, though feeling very uneasy about the current situation.

"Maybe. But you didn't answer my question Mr. Barrow. Would you?"

"Alfred, please!"

"Tell me!"

"No."

"Right, I knew it." Alfred nodded.

"Knew what?" Thomas requested.

"You wouldn't want me for _that_."

"I said no, I won't answer your question."

"Oh. And why would that be?" Alfred raised his eyes to the under-butler.

"Because to be honest: I don't know the answer...Alfred this is weird, ok? What are you on about? You are not like me, so why are we having this conversation at all? I don't understand."

"I just feel like asking you the things I'd never ask you if I was sober...and a bore" he sneered - handing Thomas the bottle once more, who drank the rest of it in one gulp. _Good god, where's this leading to?_

"So have you had many men?"

"Well, some Alfred, why?!" Thomas responded, rubbing his hands over his face. _This is getting really awkward..._

"Just curious. Who was the most peculiar then?" the footman smirked and bit his lower lip in anticipation.

"I couldn't tell you - because if I did, I'd have to kill you and bury you under this tree afterwards..." Thomas chuckled. _The Duke of course!_

"Ah, come on, I won't tell anybody...you have me on the hook now!" Alfred nudged Thomas's arm.

"No!"

"Please."

"I can't, it's a _secret_. A dark one, so to say..." Thomas looked at him mystically, then grinned.

"Damn!" Alfred blinked at him.

"Alright, what about that: I'll tell you mine, if you tell me yours.." Alfred shifted his head, then took a deep noisily breath. „Agreed!"

"So go ahead!" Thomas stared at him - waiting.

"Erm. Right. I...well, sometimes, not very often, but sometimes... I have dreams..."

"Ok." Thomas nodded. _Alright, he's a bore..._

"Awkward dreams. Like...really strange and..." he suddenly whispered „kinky." Thomas leaned in closer. _No way this is going to be a dark secret... _"You're dreaming you're dark-haired, Alfred? Does it scare you?" Thomas grinned broadly. Alfred frowned.

"Why, no! I'm dreaming about …._you_ - coming to" he hesitated "my room!"

"Ouch!" Thomas flinched at these words. "Sorry for causing a trauma, Alfred, you shouldn't have witnessed that, you know, it was just really bad luck...!"

"No, it's not like ..that!" Alfred rubbed his nose nervously.

"It's...you know. Good. Actually. I like it. I..really like it. I mean, in my dreams, you know..." His cheeks reddened.

"Alfred?!"

"Hm."

"That really is odd!"

"I know. Can't help it, it's just dreams I have.." he shrugged. _So what exactly am I doing in your dreams then? I want to know... _Thomas suddenly felt thrilled and then embarrassed when vivid images started flooding his mind.

"So, it's my turn then, isn't it?" Barrow was kind of nervous.

"Yesssss..." Alfred confirmed, looking quite keen on what was about to come.

"Ok. So." he coughed. "The Duke of Crowborough!" he spat out.

Alfred's mouth fell open, his eyes wide in amazement.

"You're kidding me!"

"No, it's true." Thomas nodded.

"No way!"

"Yes!"

"Crikey!"

"Exactly!"

"Tell me, what was it like!"

"What...hell NO!" Thomas chuckled. "There's not much to tell though. I was in love with him, well, that's what I thought and he told me he felt the same. We only had a few weeks together in London, it's been so many years...he then dumped me and I.." Thomas broke, gazing to the sky. "That's it actually. And if you tell anybody, I'm really coming to your room, you know!" he threatened with a naughty smile on his face.

"Will you bring your stick then?" Alfred teased.

"Definitely!" Thomas winked at Alfred who couldn't stop grinning.

"Feel free to do so, but bring some wine or I'll be a bore and you won't have much fun!" Alfred chuckled.

"Stick and wine, I'll keep that in mind, just in case...!" Thomas gave him an uneasy smile. His mind really started to drift into an indecent direction... "Alfred, let's not get on with that, you know. I've had some wine and in the end I might get you wrong about some things you say and probably..." his cheeks coloured. Alfred looked him over, then leaned towards him very close and almost whispered in his ear :

"Why do you think you're getting me wrong? Because you think you know me, Mr. Barrow?! You know nothing about me, really..." Thomas could sense his warm breath on his face giving him little shivers. _Damn, what's happening here? _All of a sudden he felt long slim fingers running gently down his neck, tracing little circles on his prickling skin. _Gotta stop this now! Though... _A little moan of pleasure snuck out of his mouth when he felt smooth lips behind his ear, kissing him so softly, barely noticeable. "Alfred. You...hnnn." Eyes closed, Barrow leaned closer to Alfred's face, enjoying the kisses that - to his bewilderment - left him wanting _more_.

"Do you want me to stop?" Alfred murmured - still kissing him.

"Yes. NO. I don't know." Thomas sighed. It felt so good- and it'd been so long since he'd felt the warmth and the lips of another man - he realised just now, when he was about to get what he had been waiting for - for so long.

"No." he whispered it. "Don't stop – unless you want to, of course." Alfred's smile was noticeable in his breath.

"I don't. I'm trying to find something I'm good at, remember? And besides...gotta find out about my dreams, right?" he snickered. "So show me how you kissed the Duke!" he demanded firmly while grasping the under-butler's neck and running his fingers through his slick dark hair. Thomas eyes flew open, his heart skipping a beat. It was one thing to _be_ kissed, but to kiss him back...would actually make it more _real_. "Hm." Thomas nodded slowly, still unsure of what to do. He finally closed the gap between them and kissed Alfred on the mouth – quickly and reserved, his fists clenched. _I can't...I couldn't stop, could I? I'd scare him away. _Alfred frowned at Thomas.

"Oh dear, I thought I was the bore! If you kissed the Duke like _that_, I'm afraid, I know why he dumped you!" he sneered.

"What?! You bloody little...how _dare_ you?!" Anger rose in Thomas's chest - his fists still clenched tightly - he suddenly felt the urgent need to punch the footman right in his face. Barrow made a quick move and suddenly found himself on top of him – pressing his lips fiercely to Alfred's. The kiss was rough and violent at first, a mix of anger, lust and need. Thomas vigorously grabbed his head and took control of the kiss - he parted the footman's lips with his tongue and started to explore his mouth. Alfred moaned and reciprocated the kiss - he was actually deepening it in a way Thomas found very enticing. His tongue was licking along Barrow's lips, then sliding into his mouth again, whirling around maddeningly.

Thomas felt his breath quicken – and when his trousers started tightening, he pulled back in an instant. _Oh-my-god! What the hell am I doing here? It's Alfred...why am I doing this? But it feels so good! God, I want this, now! I want his lips and ... _He swallowed.

"Right. That was more like it..." Alfred panted, cheeks all coloured and his hair ruffled.

_He looks so gorgeous right now …_ Closing his eyes, Thomas thought about what doing next, when he felt Alfred pushing him down to the ground and climbing on top of him. The footman looked him over very slowly, then bending down and hovering over his face, not making a move. His scent was decent but stunning - a mixture of spices – Thomas could tell he'd been helping with the cooking this evening – a bit of sweat which he found really stimulating, and just _him_. He gazed at his collar bone and caught a glimpse of his chest – he'd obviously also opened his shirt a bit because of the warm summer air. Thomas was mesmerized by his pale alabaster skin - he wanted to feel it, kiss every freckle... a sensation of deep desire washed over his body, so he decided not to hold back anymore.

He pulled Alfred down roughly, one hand grabbing his neck, the other trying to open the buttons of his shirt. Alfred got the hint and took his shirt off in one swift move. Thomas groaned at the sight before him and started caressing the smooth milky skin – his fingertips running up and down his chest - roughly squeezing his nipples - and going down further every time until his fingertips were stroking him centimetres above his waistband. Alfred moaned with pleasure and crashed their mouths together, slowly but with great passion, kissing the under-butler until he could barely breathe.

Thomas started to kiss the footman's neck, licking little traces of lust down to his shoulders and drawing little gasps from Alfred. Almost mad with desire, the footman let his hands slide under Thomas's shirt, slightly scratching his skin, then made a beeline for his groin – he stroked his erection through his trousers, making Thomas buck up his hips in arousal. "Oh god!" he exclaimed, sweating and panting in desire. _God, I want to do it with you, right now!_

"Yesss, it's awesome...aah!" Alfred murmured, opening Barrow's trousers and now pumping his hardness with increased speed.

„Yes..oh like that. Yes please..Alfred." he sighed.

"You feel so good, Thomas!" Alfred kept on caressing Thomas with one hand, the other one holding his head, licking and sucking at his neck. Thomas knew he was close and pushed his hand away. "It's ok Alfred!" he panted, a little embarrassed.

"No, let me! What do you think I started this for?!" Alfred hissed with eagerness in his eyes.

"Hmm, Oh god...aah!" Thomas couldn't think of anything more tantalising - he heavily thrust into Alfred's hand and released with a loud moan of pleasure.

"Now look at you, aren't you beautiful..." Alfred whispered, planting sweet kisses on Thomas's chest.

"Aah." Thomas sighed, staring into Alfred's green eyes. "Come here, you anything but boring footman!" He placed slow kisses along Alfred's jaw-line while his hands were travelling south, coming to rest on his clearly visible arousal.

"Yes..oh yes." Alfred moaned when Thomas finally opened his trousers and let his hand slide in. With a tight grip on him, he softly flickered his thumb over the tip of his erection, making the young man gasp in ecstasy. He clutched Thomas when he finally came, moaning in relief. His head rested on Thomas's chest – eyes closed, his temples gently stroked by the under-butler's fingertips.

After catching his breath, Alfred suddenly raised his head and stared at Barrow – then leaned in for the softest, loving kiss to place on his mouth. Thomas was completely caught off guard – little sparks were ignited somewhere deep inside... Leaning his head back and chuckling, he said:

"Alfred, I still owe you an answer..."

"Huh?" Alfred hummed, cuddling into Barrow's chest.

"Well, I _do_ think we're a funny couple. And yes, I'd definitely come to your room after _that_!"

Alfred grinned. "Will leave my door open then, but promise me one thing though!"

"Now what would that be?" the under-butler wondered.

"Please, wake me up before you do something – otherwhise I'd be missing out on all the fun!"

Thomas laughed … and when his head hit the pillow very late at night, he saw green eyes smiling at him through ginger eyelashes ...

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**A/N: Hope the end was not too cheesy and some of you liked the pairing, I know it's rather uncommon... ;0) P.S. The sequel "Nocturnal visit" is now uploaded, check it out if you like...**


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